Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas! This is a very exciting time in the Oakley household. The boys are very excited about the lights and tree and all of the pretty decorations. We are doing an advent calendar this year and the boys love it! Now, it could be the chocolate that is in the calendar, but the boys are excited to learn their lesson and join in our prayer to thank Jesus for coming to save us, and of course, to thank Him for their chocolate.

We have had a few major things happen in our family this year. Paul’s dad got married in April to a lovely lady named Nina. We met her at the wedding and liked her immediately and are excited about getting to know her better. We were all honored to be in the wedding, and the boys were adorable ring bearers (although they didn’t actually carry the rings).
Two days after the excitement of the wedding, the trial started for the man who killed my aunt and three cousins. It was a 25 year old cold case and my entire family felt incredible relief when a guilty verdict was rendered. We are praising the Lord for this, while trusting him for peace and healing in the hearts of our family members.

We started the year with babies and ended this year with active toddlers. They are the delights of our hearts and are so incredible. It is amazing how they have healed my heart after my two miscarriages and having them has made going through my third miscarriage early this year be not quite as painful.
Matthew is talking up a storm and is repeating everything people say. He tends to be more dominant at home (shy with new people) and takes care of his brother by bringing blankeys and drinks when Andrew is sad. He is an incredible snuggler, even though he rarely stops long enough to do so. He loves his cars, trucks, and balls. His feet are doing really well, and he doesn’t put much of a fight putting his braces on, thankfully.
Andrew is quieter, but gets his point across and is incredibly funny. He is very busy, but he does like to sit on your lap and cuddle. One of Andrew’s favorite things is to lay on the floor and drive his cars or trucks around. Sometimes, it is just any toys he can pretend are cars. Andrew is very friendly and more dominant in public and with new people. Andrew’s eye condition is stable, and not quite as sensitive to sunlight.

Paul and I are doing well. Paul continues to be an assistant manager at Sheetz. He works a lot of hours and it can be hard sometimes when we don’t see him a lot, but we appreciate all he does for our family. I do my best to keep the house running smoothly, although it can be hard when I have two little tornados coming behind me.

A few prayer requests: Andrew and Matthew both have umbilical hernias. Andrew’s is worse and had a consult with a surgeon, who is letting us wait a year to see if it will go away on its own. By the time they are three, if they haven’t healed, they will have to have surgery. Please prayer for healing. Please pray for Matthew’s feet, because they still turn in a little when he walks and if the braces don’t correct this, he will have to have surgery when he’s 4.

Merry Christmas!

Paul, Sarah, Matthew, and Andrew

Lies

While hosting the Chinese students, I noticed one of their hygiene products on the bathroom counter. The brand name was called "Simple Life" and the product was "Whitening Body Wash." One of the things I previously new about Asian culture is that they believe that being white is beautiful and you have more chance of success the whiter you are. Some will bleach their skin in order to obtain this supposed beauty. And apparently, they will sell you body wash that is supposed to whiten your body and create a simple life for you. Sad. Very sad.

This got me thinking about the things that our culture lies to us about. A product that I recently bought came to mind that is clinically proven to reduce cellulite. Now, I will not disclose whether I have cellulite or not, but I will tell you that this product did not work. And how many products are proven to make you look more youthful, reverse the effects of aging, etc, etc.

Another lie that really makes me mad is the whole "Someday my prince will come" mantra. I tell you, this does not exist. Perfectly wonderful men are rejected because they are not perfect and are unable to rescue you from your situation. There is no such thing as a perfect man. And I will assure you that once you are married, there is no happily ever after. This does not exist. So many people divorce because they believe this lie that once you get married, it solves all of your problems and you are supposed to live happily ever after. Marriage is hard work. Somedays are harder than others, but you have to work on it every day of your lives. You have to be willing to forgive each other your shortcomings, protect each other, and pray for one another. And above all else, love one another, no matter what. It's easier said than done... some days.

Another lie that I am personally affected by is that only thin people are beautiful. I feel very vulnerable even writing this, let alone knowing people will read this, but here we go. One of the lies that have bought into regarding myself and myself alone is that I am not pretty because I am fat. I was told growing up that no one would ever love me if I was fat. I was told that I would be so pretty if only I would lose weight. I think part of me set out to prove this wrong, as I gained a lot of weight in college, fell in love and was/is loved back from Paul and we got married, to work very hard on our marriage (as opposed to lived happily ever after, hehe).

I recently read in a book about thyroid disorders (I have hypothyroidism), that you need to stop putting your life on hold until you lose your weight. This is exactly what I do. I say to myself that once I lose this weight, then I will buy nicer clothes, go on vacations, develop deeper relationships with friends. I have bought into the lie that people don't like me solely based on my weight. Any time I feel any sort of rejection (real or imagined), I blame my weight. Literally. Every single time. I pull away from people and don't do things because I am so ashamed of the way that I look. Any time someone makes a fat joke or mentions some one else's weight, I wonder if they are indirectly talking about me. I put way too much emphasis on my weight.

I know that these are Satan's lies telling me that I am unlovable or unlikeable because of the way that I look. It's hard to get him out of my ear, though. I know that it is Satan's lies in the media about image and what is pretty or that your marriage isn't working because you aren't living happily ever after. I need to believe more of what God says about me- that He loves me. I need to meditate on His truths, especially when my mind is being attacked!

My Chinese Experience

A few weeks ago, I knew relatively little about China. To be honest, I still don't know much, but I know more now than I did, and I care now whereas before I didn't even think about China to care about it or its people. About 2 weeks ago, all of that changed. I met three incredible Chinese girls, who made a place in my heart forever. They will always be my Chinese daughters.

I know I only hosted these girls for a week, and that doesn't sound long enough to grow to love someone, but I was in love with these girls after the first day. Sure, at times, it was incredibly awkward, and the language barrier was hard. Google translate helped, but it wasn't always with us. For example, one day when I picked them up, Eve had a huge stuffed animal that she had one at the sports emporium. It was too large to travel with, so she gave it to the boys. She went to put it in the back of the van, and I told her it needed to be in a seatbelt. She got all embarrassed and said, "Ok" and I told her I was teasing. She continued to come around to the side of the van, so I told Annie (who was the best with her English) to tell her I was teasing, but that word apparently wasn't one she knew and said it was ok. I finally came up with the word joking, which they knew, and we all had a big laugh. To be fair though, I have a very dry sense of humor, and a lot of my American friends don't get my jokes.

I didn't think their stay would disrupt our routine very much, but to be honest, it did. Our mornings are the same. The boys wake me up, so I get up and get dressed, and we all snuggle while they drink their milk. Then we go on a walk while they eat their breakfast (cereal). The boys then play outside until naptime. Because the girls were 11, 12, & 13, I couldn't leave them in the house to get ready by themselves, so our morning routine was non-existant, and we couldn't postpone things due to the incredible heat wave. So the boys got almost no outside time this week, which was hard on them. The other way our routine was disrupted was that we had to pick the girls up at the time that we usually eat dinner (5pm- yes, I know that is ridiculously early). So it pushed back dinner, and was hard to get dinner ready because I couldn't cook it until we got home. Side note: I prepared meals everyday, and Thursday I ran out of eggs and didn't realize it until it was nearly time to pick them up. So I couldn't make the chicken potpie like I had planned and was freaking out because I didn't know what I was going to serve them. It occurred to me that we had some hot dogs and french fries, so that's what we had. I felt incredibly guilty about it, but as it turned out, it was their favorite meal. Typical teenager! They were crying out "Delicious, thank you so much!" When every other meal was eaten in silence and I couldn't tell if they liked it or not.

Those were the only issues, if you can even call them that. They adored the boys and the boys adored them. In the morning and after dinner, they would play with the boys and took tons of pictures of them. Most of our conversation was about the boys. I had games planned to do with them for after the boys went to bed, but the girls retreated to their room while I was putting the boys down. Even after I assured them that they could come downstairs, they said they had to study. I'm not sure any studying was done, but there sure was laughter, so I guess they had a good time.

I was happy my sister babysat for us so we could go to the closing program. All of the students took part in singing songs and much to my surprise, Annie directed a few of the songs. It turned out it was Eve's birthday, so we sang to her, but I was sad I didn't get to make her a cake. At the end, each girl presented us with a thank you card. My favorite part of each card was that they said that Andrew and Nephew were like brothers to them. I had no idea that they thought Matthew's name was Nephew- so funny. The cards made me tear up, and when they left, I cried.

It is hard to believe that I will probably never see them again. They impacted my life forever, and China will always be in my heart because of them. In China, you are only allowed to have one child, and if you have a second, you have to pay a lot of money to the government to keep that child. I couldn't bring myself to ask what would happen if you had twins or couldn't afford to pay for the second child. I think I know the answer. In elementary school, you go to school from 8am-4pm and are able to live at home. Once you are in middle and high school, you go to school from 7:30am-9pm, and you have to live at school. I can't imagine the heartache of only being allowed to have one child and then having to send them to school every week throughout the year, except for one month during the summer and one month during the winter.

I'm thankful to have had this opportunity to have my eyes opened to another culture and other people. Too often, I go through life and don't think about anyone else except my little family and our little routine, and become discontent with the little that we have. I am glad that this opened my eyes to the many blessings in my life that I take for granted everyday. Like having the freedom of religion and being able to express that the only way to heaven is to believe in Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. That Jesus came down from Heaven to live life as a man so that he would die for my (and every one's) sins and rose again and now lives in Heaven. And all we need to do in order to have a relationship with Him is to believe this and ask him to be the Lord of your life.

Thank you, Lord, for my freedom. And please help others know You. Help me to live my life so that others will want to follow you too.

Chinese Exchange Students

About a week ago, I got an email from one of my KMOM (Keystone Mothers of Multiples) members asking for help to host some Chinese exchange students for a week. I agreed with excitement, and then immediately became ridiculously nervous. It mounted as I feared what to feed them. Once I got the menu squared away, I then relaxed, only to become nervous about how to entertain them. It's easy when they boys are awake- they are the center of attention and can entertain anyone. But what do I do once the boys go to bed. I tried to relax and not think about it, because I can become ridiculous.

I immediately relaxed once we walked into the church to meet them. The whole auditorium was enthralled with the boys- touching them, clapping and laughing at them. I realized they weren't as scary as I was making them out to be. They are all 12-14 in age, and seemed very sweet. My name was called and I was assigned three sweet girls- Eve, Annie, and Sanny (their American names).

Once we got in the car, I tried to initiate some small talk, and I think I scared the poor girl who was riding in the front because she turned around to one of the girls in the backseat. So, I changed the question to "Do you like music?" I got a positive response, so we listened to the radio.

When we got to the house, I showed them to their room, and was a little afraid they weren't going to come out for dinner, but they did. They gave us presents, and I was so grateful that the leader gave us stuff for them, so I presented them with a Chinese Bible, and they went back upstairs, I guess to put the Bible away. When they came back down, they sat silently with their heads bowed over their food as they ate, not looking up, not talking. I guess this is customary? But I felt like I was forcing them to eat something disgusting, when it was just a bland soup. They looked to each other to see what they should do with their napkins, and followed my lead.

Then we all played with the boys, read books, chitchatted, and when it was the boys' bedtime, I started to take them upstairs, saying I was going to put the boys to bed. They followed and went into their bedroom. I came out of putting the boys to bed and had no idea what to do. So I brought them towels, showed them where the phone was so they could call their parents with their calling cards, and told them they could come back downstairs if they wanted to. They are still upstairs, so I am sure they are still calling their parents, and getting ready for bed. I'm sure they are tired, with all of their traveling. I just hope they know they don't have to stay up there.

I'm a little at a loss as to what to do. They are super sweet, and I really like them. Their English is pretty good. They were able to read the boys their books, so I think they are more comfortable reading than at conversational English. It's interesting the difference between the cultures already!

Weaning

Two and a half weeks ago, when I found out I was pregnant, I realized that I would not be getting a break with my body for several years. I was pregnant with the twins for 9 months, nursing them currently, and here I was pregnant again. Then I miscarried, which was a lot harder emotionally than I thought it was going to be. A week after I started miscarrying, Matthew suddenly weaned himself. I nursed him March 10th, the day he turned 16 months old, in the morning, and that was it for him. He wouldn't nurse anymore after that. I was ok with it. I still had Andrew, who was nursing 4 times a day (in the morning, for both naps, and bedtime). And then 3 days later, on March 13th, Andrew suddenly weaned himself after his morning feeding. Just like that. No gradual about it.

So there I was, miscarrying, and the next week, both boys weaned within 3 days of each other. I can't even begin to describe how whacked out my hormones were. Are. I had the worst headaches, which were the worst part. I was so full of milk going from six feedings a day to zero. I felt like I was going to explode! And to be honest, as glad as I am that I didn't have to wean them, I am a little sad that I didn't know and get to enjoy my last feedings with them and savor the moments. I am sad that they don't need me in that way anymore. I had something nobody else had. It was like a super power, a secret weapon. If nothing else would calm them, my breasts would.

When I first started nursing the boys, my goal was to nurse them until they were 12 months old, at the very least. I was hoping to nurse them until they were 18 months, and no longer than 2 years old. We have two big trips coming up- one in April to GA and one in June to a lake in VA. I don't know how they will respond to sleeping in a new place, so I was waiting to wean them until after those trips were over in case they needed help sleeping. Now, I am a little more scared of how these trips are going to go without my secret weapons.

As sad as I am that they are done nursing, I will say that bedtime has become much easier. Before, I would put Matthew's boots and bars on, change and diaper him, then nurse him for 5-15 minutes, and put him to bed. Then I would come back downstairs and diaper and change Andrew and feed him for 20-40 minutes, and then put him to bed. Now, I change them, sing them a song while rocking both of them, and put them both in their cribs and walk out the door. Ten minutes as opposed to an hour- not too shabby. Naps are a lot faster too.

I'm still going to miss it, though.

Facebook: Friend or Foe

When I first got on facebook, it was a neat site that I could get on to kind of supplement my social life. I worked, went to school, and hung out with friends, so I did not depend on facebook as my primary source to the outside world. This was back when you had to have a school email address to join- it was not open to everyone like it is now.

Somewhere along the way, things shifted and I began to rely on facebook more and more for my social connection to the world. I still worked and still spent time with friends and family, so I was connected and facebook was still just a fun way to interact and keep up with people.

After the twins were born, my world kind of closed in. My world became this house, these babies, my husband, and facebook. Sure, I still spent some time with family- in person, yes, but usually on the phone. As I look back, I remember in the early months still being connected to the church. I went to small group and spent time with people on a social basis.

Somewhere along the way, even my connection to church became distant. Sure, I still go to church, I serve in the nursery ministry, but that is about it. I don't have real conversations anymore. It is mostly hi and bye. There are a few people that I feel connected to, but not in the same way. I don't have regular contact, where we are sharing intimate details of our lives. I feel disconnected in so many ways.

The same thing has happened with facebook. I used to use it as a way to supplement my social life, where now, it is my lifeline to the outside world. I rarely have conversations anymore, and when I do, I feel so boring that I let the other person dominate the conversation. All I know about people are the little snippets that they post as their status. Sometimes people post real things where you know intimate details about them, but most often, it isn't. And while I enjoy reading different things people post, I feel like I lack genuine connection. A lot of people I want to stay connected with either don't post, don't respond to my posts or messages, or are mostly silent observers. That isn't everyone. A lot of people I do want to stay connected to, do post and respond.

I think it's just as people's friend lists grow longer, the less people want to share about themselves. I guess the same is true for me. Everytime I post, I think, well, that person is going to judge me for that, this person is going to private message me and tell me their opinion about that, and so on and so forth. There are a lot of people with a lot of opinions and I think facebook is a way to sometimes share your opinions without having to look people in the eye and see the damage you are doing- intentionally or unintentionally. It can be a safe way to share information and a coward's way of sharing information (much like blogging can be). The trouble with written communication is that you can't see the person's heart, so sometimes things sound a lot harsher than you meant them too, or people take the info differently than you intended. I know things I have posted have been taken the wrong way.

I guess facebook is what you make it. It can be a great way to stay connected. There are things I share on facebook that I would have trouble sharing in real life. Then again, when you make it your only source of social connection, it can be a problem. I know for me, I get jealous when I see others making plans, having fun, and I think how much I miss doing things with people. I know I need to make a concerted effort not to make facebook so important. I need to make more of an effort of connecting in person and over the phone, because the computer cannot substitute human connection.

The Love of the Father

The other night, Matthew was up several times crying. I went in four times, although he was up more than that. This is, thankfully, not the norm. He is either getting sick or teething. Anyway, the first time I went in, he basically collapsed in my arms, hugging me tight as I rocked him back to sleep.

And as I was rocking him, I got to thinking about the parallels between parenthood and God's love for his children. Matthew was crying out to me, persistently, and I came in to comfort him. In the same way, when we cry out to God, he is there to comfort us and tend to our needs. The thing that struck me, however, was when I was holding tightly to Matthew and comforting him. My heart was swollen with love and peace as I held him and rocked him. I got to thinking: is this how God feels about me, and all of His children? Is this how God feels about us when we rest in His arms and His love? Is His love for us so overwhelming and secure and does He beam with pride over me? Does He love holding me in His arms like I love holding my babies in my arms? I love my children fiercely, but my love for them is minuscule compared to the love that God has for us.

I don't think I can even express how grateful to God I am for those thoughts, because I think it helped my relationship with Him immensely. He loves me more than I could ever love my children. I am His child and am welcome in His arms at any time. He never tires or me, He always wants me to come to Him. I am so grateful for my God who loves me and I wish everyone would experience Him in a relationship with Him.