Pizza Joe Cresent

I have had some requests for recipes from the meals I have made, so I have decided to do a daily, or semi daily recipe of the day. I made pancakes last night, but didn't think people needed a recipe to make those, since you can buy ready made pancake mix and just add water.

Tonight I made Pizza Joe Crescents. They are not my recipe, but Pillsbury, so I do not take credit. But this is how I made it:

1/2 pound ground meat (I used beef), browned and drained.

a handful of turkey pepperoni cut into fours

a cup of pasta sauce

3/4 cup mozzarella cheese

1 pkg crescent rolls

Mix all except rolls into medium bowl, then separate the crescent rolls and put the mixture into the rolls and roll them out. Bake at 375 degrees for 18-20 minutes. Enjoy!

When I asked Paul what he thought of them, he answered, "Not bad," which is his way of torturing me by really liking it, but not wanting to sound impressed. The twins also gobbled them up. And I had more than I meant to. So, all in all, a success.

Nightly tales

Matthew is still not sleeping through the night. He still wakes up an average of 3 times per night. I have tried nearly everything. I have tried the cry it out method for a week and let him cry for 2 hours before I couldn't take it anymore. I have tried going in and walking him around, but not nursing him. Nothing has worked- he is stubborn, more stubborn than I am. I have tried reducing the time I spend in his room. Finally, I have come to accept this as part of my life. Sometimes I get depressed about it, but usually I am OK and just realize that this won't happen forever. Maybe when he is weaned he will stop getting up in the middle of the night. I don't know. But I am better when I accept my reality, no matter how difficult it may be.

About 6 weeks ago, Matthew went through a phase ( and later learned 4 teeth were coming through) where he would not sleep in his own crib. He insisted on me holding him, and sleeping with me, and that was both awful and wonderful all at the same time. In fact, that is how I view him waking up throughout the night- awful and wonderful. Awful because it interrupts my sleep, and wonderful because those are the most tender and sweet moments I have with him. I can't even describe the wonderfulness of how he feels sleeping on my shoulder after he is done nursing. I can't wait until he is sleeping through the night, but at the same time, I will miss the nighttime closeness.

Andrew is typically a great sleeper and sleeps an average of 11 hours a night (unless he is teething or sick). One night when I was nursing Matthew, Andrew sat up in his crib, facing the door. He didn't make a peep, but just sat watching the door. I was hoping he wouldn't turn around and see me, because if he did, he would insist on being nursed too, and he takes 20 minutes, whereas Matthew is around 5 minutes. So I sat rocking Matthew, watching Andrew, and hoping he would go back to sleep, when all of the sudden Andrew started snoring and fell over, which did not wake him up. Oh, how that made me laugh- inwardly, of course!

December meal plan

I just realized that the last time I have updated my blog was during my last monthly meal planning. I am going to try and do so much better from this day forth! Anyway, here is my December meal plan- sorry that we are 4 days into the month.

1. Leftovers (taco bake and beef stew)
2. Mexican casserole
3. Hamburgers and homemade fries (both regular and sweet potato)
4. Cabbage Delight (*note* if something doesn't have a name, the main ingredient + the word delight becomes the name)- cabbage, beef, and mashed potatoes mixed together
5. Leftovers
6. Pancakes
7. Pizza Joe Crescents
8. Chicken, mashed potatoes, veggies
9. Chicken soup in crock pot
10. lasagna
11. Taco bake
12. Leftovers
13. Homemade pizza
14. Mexican chicken with salsa
15. minestrone soup
16. Tuna mac salad
17. chili
18. baked potatoes topped with chili
19. leftovers
20. Shepherd's pie
21. Grilled cheese and tomato soup
22. pizza
23. Chicken & veggies mixed with pasta
24. Chicken potpie
25. Turkey dinner
26. leftovers
27. tortellini
28. Grilled chicken fajita pasta
29. shrimp scampi
30. Grilled salsa chicken
31. spicy tuna melt

Last month worked out so well, with only a couple days not being made, that I am determined to keep it up. It helped us save money at the grocery store, as well as break up the monotony. I keep my calendar handy and add recipes that look interesting to the next month. Please feel free to add your own recipes so that we continue to have variety and new ideas!

November monthly meal plan

I am trying something new. I am going to start planning out my meals for the month in an attempt to save money and stop my daily meal panic. Lately, it seems like we spend a lot of money on food, and yet, don't have anything to make meals with. I don't make a list for the grocery store, therefore, a common conversation in our house is: "What's for dinner?" "I don't know" and then opens the cabinets and fridge, "We don't have any food." "But we just spent $100 at the grocery store." And then we eat cereal, or sandwiches.

I want to stop the madness! So... here it goes... an attempt to be more organized.

1. Hamburgers and french fries
2. Chicken potpie
3. Shepherd's Pie
4. Spaghetti
5. Pancakes
6. Chicken and veggie soupin crock pot

7. Tuna and Macaroni Salad
8. Pizza
9. Taco Salad
10. Lasagna
11. Burgers and homemade fries
12. Meatloaf and veggies
13. Meatball subs, mac n' cheese

14. Leftovers
15. Beef, potatoes and veggies in crock pot
16. Mexican chicken with salsa, rice, and veggies
17. Tomato soup and grilled cheese
18. Spaghetti with chicken and veggies in sauce
19. Homemade pizza
20. Tortellini

21. Leftovers
22. Cheesy chicken, rice, broccoli
23. Grilled chicken fajitas
24. Chicken with mashed potatoes and veggies
25. Turkey with all the trimmings
26. Leftovers
27. Leftovers

28. Leftovers
29. Chili
30. Taco bake

Midnight Blessings

Matthew woke up crying at 12:30 last night, and I got up to nurse him. I picked him up and he immediately put his head on my shoulder. He often does this until I sit down and then he will pop his head up and cry until I start nursing him. The other thing he will do will to lean away from me and look at the rocking chair until we sit there to nurse. So, I went over to the rocking chair slowly, because cuddling is my favorite thing and Matthew does not want to do it much anymore, because there are so many things to do- toys to play with, brother to knock over, lint on the floor to find and eat. Even in the middle of the night, he wants to eat and get back to bed, and resists when I try to linger and cuddle for a few minutes. He has dreams he needs to get back to!

I sat down, and the most wonderful thing happened- he continued to cuddle. I sat there rocking him for about 15 minutes, embracing each other and soaking up all the wonderfulness of the moment. At one point he popped his head up, stroked the curtain and then looked at me (we often look out the window in the morning), and I kissed his cheek, and he immediately snuggled into my shoulder again. After I laid him back down, I just counted that as a blessing. My first and perhaps best birthday present.

Birthday reflections

Today is the last day that I am going to be 28. I always get a little sad when my birthday rolls around- another year older, goals that haven't been accomplished, etc. This week has been like past years, reflecting on the year and my successes and failures.

In many ways, this has been the best year of my life. Paul and I own our own home (although that technically happened when I was 27), I gave birth to my two precious babies, became a stay at home mom, and have been able to stay home to raise my babies, something I didn't think I would be able to do. It has been wonderful in many ways.

It has also been a very hard year. I never realized how hard taking care of babies day in and day out would be. I have babysat for a long time and always loved it, but that was when I could give the babies back. I am glad I can't give my babies back, but I feel like I never get a break. It is constant throughout the day, as they rarely nap at the same time, and constant throughout the night, as they still don't sleep through the night. I am more tired than I ever thought possible, and this has brought some depression in my life because of it. Sometimes I feel hopeless that I will never feel rested, will always have to get up with them. I feel very alone most of the time. I also feel guilty for feeling these things.

I feel guilty because I have these two wonderful babies and I am so blessed! I have wanted children for so long and tried so hard for so long. I had a hard pregnancy, but it was worth it in the end. And now I have the privilege of raising these two boys, and it is hard that I have negative emotions about any of this. I feel like I have lost my identity, many friendships, and my energy.

But despite these negative emotions, I am still happier than I have ever been and am so glad that my life is going the way it is. This has been a good year. I hope my 29th year is better than this year. Maybe with a little more sleep!

Dream

My dream is to one day walk without my thighs rubbing together. To wave, and when I stop, for my arm flab to stop waving too. To be able to wear a pair of pants without worrying about the flab spilling over my pants. I dream of looking at a picture taken of me from behind and not seeing the rolls that cover my back. I dream of having strong abs that will support my back and prevent it from going out.

I dream of meeting people and not have them instantly dislike me because of my weight. Of not just being the funny girl, but to be pretty and not repulsive. I dream of being confident about my looks instead of insecure. I dream of a day when I will not delete a perfectly good picture of my children off my camera just because I look horrible, and oh that angle!

I dream of a day when I will be able to go longer than a minute before thinking about food. About not obsessing over every morsel that goes into my mouth. About not wondering if people are judging me because I am eating. I dream of not feeling hungry all of the time. I dream of waking up one day not dreading the day and my constant battle with food.

I dream of the day when I will be accepted for who I am instead of what I look like. My dream has turned into a nightmare, for I feel as though these dreams will never become a reality.

I am 49# below my weight from when I gave birth. I am 19# below my pre-pregnancy weight. And I am 70# from my goal weight. I dream of the day that these numbers don't take over my thoughts.