4-6-05

Paul and I had been married only 11 months when his mom and grandmother were killed in a car accident. I remember that day vividly- it was a Wednesday, was gorgeous outside, and I was having the best day at work. My niece Erika had been born two days before and I was planning a trip to visit her.

It was right around 3:30 when I got a call from Paul at work. He was crying and said that his mom and grandmother were killed in a car accident. I told him that wasn't funny. Unfortunately, he wasn't joking. I went home immediately and cried the whole way home. However, I had to pull myself together. There was so much to do, and Paul was in too much of a state of shock to do anything. I made flight arrangements, called professors, jobs, pastors, family members, and packed. It was such an awful time. Our good friend Matt Knight came to be with us that night and drove us to the airport and picked us up again.

Side note: Sandy and Stephen were on vacation in New Hampshire, visiting her parents for the week. Scott was at home in GA working, Peter was a freshman in college, and Paul and I were both working and in college in VA.

We found out later that Stephen was supposed to be in that car- that they had gone to pick him up from playing basketball, and he asked to stay later. Otherwise, he would have been killed too. Thank the Lord he was not in that car. We still don't know what happened for sure. Lois (Paul's grandmother) was driving and somehow lost control of the car and the SUV behind them T-boned them. It was not the SUV driver's fault, but I still wonder how he and his child are doing. I wonder if they have nightmares and are filled with guilt. Or if they have flashbacks to that horrible day and the crappy luck they had that they were following this car or had even gone out that day at all. I wish that I could reach out to them and let them know that we are okay. That even though things are difficult and we miss them like crazy, we are okay and to release them from any guilt that they might feel.

It has been 5 years since that treacherous day. Sandy (Paul's mom) has missed so much! Her dream was to have all three of her children graduate from college, and they all did! But she didn't get to see any of them. She never got to meet her grandchildren, although I like to believe that she is taking care of the babies that I miscarried. There are so many things that we want to share with her, but can't, like the upcoming wedding of her baby, Stephen. I also feel badly for Lois' youngest granddaughters. Lois made these beautiful quilts for each of her grandchildren when they graduated high school. But, they didn't get one. I mourn for them.

There are so many things that I want to talk to Sandy about, but will now never get the chance. I want to apologize for the fight we had leading up to our wedding. I have so many regrets and live with such guilt, and have no way to make things right. I want to tell her that I understand her so much more now and I want to share our children with her. She was a fun lady, and I miss her!

It is so hard to see Paul going through such pain with missing his mother. I wish I could take that pain away from him. Every thing that we go through, he says he wishes his mom was here. When I was on bed rest in the hospital, he wished he could talk to her and get her advise. She was a labor and delivery nurse, so her knowledge would have been so helpful. I don't think that we will ever stop wishing for her to be here. It would be so great to get her advise and knowledge on things. She raised three great sons, who have not strayed from the Lord. She has a wonderful legacy. Her children have risen and called her blessed.