Thankfulness

I must admit, I have a tendency to complain. I take for granted all of the blessings in my life. I really and truly have all that I could ever ask or desire, and yet, I still complain. It is a quality about myself that I really don't like, and something that I am working on.

Among the things that I complain about, or should I say lament about is being so overwhelmed with twins that I don't feel like I am a good mother and that I don't get enough time with each child individually. There are even times, when I am super stressed that I wish I had had singletons (the same children, just at separate times). I feel guilty for that thought, because I truly would not want anything else. I love my children. They are so special and wonderful and I am so grateful that God chose to bless me with them.

Today, in church, it really hit me how blessed I really am. I got teary eyed when the pastor was praying, thanking the Lord for all the new life in the church and the blessings that children are. My number was even called, saying that I needed to go to the nursery to tend to my child who was crying (ok, screaming uncontrollably). I took him and held him on my shoulder and told him it was ok, to which he sighed and fell asleep on my shoulder. Not chancing putting him down only for him to wake up in the transfer (which he typically does), I took him in the service with me and felt my heart burst with love for him as he slept peacefully on my shoulder for the remainder of the service and the time of fellowship afterward. A lady behind me started crying as she saw us, mother and child, in perfect serenity.

It was then that I recounted in my mind the horrible struggle it took for us to conceive and how unsure I was that I would ever have children. And the Lord has blessed me with not only one child, but two beautiful, wonderful, high maintenance children whom I love and adore. And even though I am constantly exhausted, usually stressed out, often lonely; I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's in the world. I am thankful for my life where I pretty much have everything I have ever wanted even if it's not exactly how I envisioned it; my husband who is wonderful and provides for our family and loves me no matter what, even though I am usually neurotic and annoying; my children who are the light and joy of my life and bring so much happiness; and most importantly my Savior, who has saved me from such a terrible life and who loves me even when I am horrible and ungrateful. I choose thankfulness today, and hopefully will continue to choose thankfulness!