Dream

My dream is to one day walk without my thighs rubbing together. To wave, and when I stop, for my arm flab to stop waving too. To be able to wear a pair of pants without worrying about the flab spilling over my pants. I dream of looking at a picture taken of me from behind and not seeing the rolls that cover my back. I dream of having strong abs that will support my back and prevent it from going out.

I dream of meeting people and not have them instantly dislike me because of my weight. Of not just being the funny girl, but to be pretty and not repulsive. I dream of being confident about my looks instead of insecure. I dream of a day when I will not delete a perfectly good picture of my children off my camera just because I look horrible, and oh that angle!

I dream of a day when I will be able to go longer than a minute before thinking about food. About not obsessing over every morsel that goes into my mouth. About not wondering if people are judging me because I am eating. I dream of not feeling hungry all of the time. I dream of waking up one day not dreading the day and my constant battle with food.

I dream of the day when I will be accepted for who I am instead of what I look like. My dream has turned into a nightmare, for I feel as though these dreams will never become a reality.

I am 49# below my weight from when I gave birth. I am 19# below my pre-pregnancy weight. And I am 70# from my goal weight. I dream of the day that these numbers don't take over my thoughts.