I have been conflicted lately on the topic of bedtime. For the past month, my boys, usually Matthew, has been getting up 3-7 times a night. This started happening when they figured out how to roll over, which is also when we started sleeping them in separate cribs. I attribute some of this to missing each other. They used to snuggle up close to each other and sleep practically on top of one another. It didn't matter how far apart we slept them from each other, they always found their way to each other to sleep. It was incredibly sweet. And then Matthew began rolling over, and because of his boots and bars, we decided to sleep them in separate cribs so that Matthew didn't clobber Andrew with his braces.
And that was the beginning of the end. Matthew rolls over in his sleep, or wakes up and rolls over- I'm not sure which one. Whichever one it is, he can't roll back over. He hasn't done it without his boots and bars on yet, and I am sure it will take him a little longer to figure it out once he does start rolling both ways. Therefore, he can't fall back to sleep. I have tried letting him scream it out (more on that in a bit), but when I went to check on him, I found him nearly thrashing and hitting his head on the crib. That really scared me. I have tried rolling him back over, which has only worked twice. The one night that I was determined not to nurse him every time he woke up was the night he woke up 7 times.
I am also conflicted about the whole "let them cry it out" thing anyway. In one way, I can see how it can be beneficial. They learn how to self-soothe and then I get to sleep more, which causes a lot of positives in my mood, patience levels, ability to comprehend/concentrate, and my mental health. (Let's face it, it can get depressing not being able to sleep).
On the other hand, I want my babies to know that they can trust me to be there for them when they need me. I am supposed to be an example for God for my children, and God is always there for me when I need Him. Shouldn't I be there for my children when they need me? I want my babies needs to be met- what if they are going through a growth spurt and are legitimately hungry. Or teething and need comfort. Or sick or hurt or wet? Every time that I convince myself to let them cry it out, I think of these things and talk myself right back out of it. And I remember the one time I was going to let them cry it out, lost my nerve, and it turned out Matthew had soaked through his diaper, outfit, and sheets.
Parenting is hard.
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We let Addison cry it out at 4 months... it only took a few nights and she became the champion sleeper she is today :)
ReplyDeleteAs to the rest of it, keep in mind that although we are to put our faith and trust in God to provide for us, we are not always given exactly what we want, and not always when we want it, either. So I don't think in any way that you're being a poor example of God to your children by not "giving in" every time they make a demand... you know better what they need than they do.
Hugs! Hope you start getting better sleep soon... I'm all too sympathetic to your lack of sleep situation right now ;)
When we brought our babies home they were used to eating 5-7 times a day and 3-4 times a night. I really wanted to cut those night feedings back because I'd read that they could be sleeping through the night by that age, and I knew people whose babies did.
ReplyDeleteI was encouraged by this email from a friend:
"I think those little ones show signs of sinfulness SO early--self-centeredness and discontent, etc. We train them from the beginning that it's not acceptable to fuss, and that they are under the authority of Mommy and Daddy and God, and that that is the best and happiest place for them in the world.
I'm eager for you to get to the hard-core "crying it out" stage if that's what it takes. Interpretation: no tummy rubbing. That really may just prolong the crying and continue the nightly routine, as I'm sure you know. But you may still want to wait a bit before making life so hard on her, and I understand that. I trust you won't be one of those mommies who are still up with their child once or twice a night at a year old. I so feel for those mommies."
We had been going in to rub their tummy every 15 minutes, then every half hour, etc to let them know we were there and we cared. So we took my friend's advice and had a week or so of really hard crying it out where we didn't go in at all (hard on mommy, daddy and babies!). None of us slept much. But now we all sleep like a dream!
I feel like it was a great time of helping train our kiddos to trust us that if we put them to bed we are doing what we know is best for them and they can trust us. We love on them all day long and meet their needs, but we don't want to be child centered and teach them that the world revolves around them. It's a hard balance, but I know you'll do great!!
Well Said Jemma. We let Krystiana cry it out at 6 months and Gabby we had to re-train at 9 months but for both girls it really only took 2 nights. We watched the clock and if they were still crying we checked on them in 5 minutes... then 10 minutes, 15 and so on. It is probably one of the hardest things for a parent to do for an infant... but I, like you, needed my sleep. They're likely not hungry at night... just in need of comfort. Do you nurse them to sleep at night or do they put themselves to sleep... that was the biggest thing we needed to change. I had to teach them how to go to sleep on their own from the start. It's very easy to talk yourself out of it... but you will so thankful once they are both sleeping peacefully through the night. I promise you will feel like a new woman!
ReplyDeleteThe biggest hurdle I keep thinking you may have is how are you going to let them cry it out in the same room... won't they wake each other up? Love you and praying for you... it's a tough one, but you'll make the right decision!