Facebook: Friend or Foe

When I first got on facebook, it was a neat site that I could get on to kind of supplement my social life. I worked, went to school, and hung out with friends, so I did not depend on facebook as my primary source to the outside world. This was back when you had to have a school email address to join- it was not open to everyone like it is now.

Somewhere along the way, things shifted and I began to rely on facebook more and more for my social connection to the world. I still worked and still spent time with friends and family, so I was connected and facebook was still just a fun way to interact and keep up with people.

After the twins were born, my world kind of closed in. My world became this house, these babies, my husband, and facebook. Sure, I still spent some time with family- in person, yes, but usually on the phone. As I look back, I remember in the early months still being connected to the church. I went to small group and spent time with people on a social basis.

Somewhere along the way, even my connection to church became distant. Sure, I still go to church, I serve in the nursery ministry, but that is about it. I don't have real conversations anymore. It is mostly hi and bye. There are a few people that I feel connected to, but not in the same way. I don't have regular contact, where we are sharing intimate details of our lives. I feel disconnected in so many ways.

The same thing has happened with facebook. I used to use it as a way to supplement my social life, where now, it is my lifeline to the outside world. I rarely have conversations anymore, and when I do, I feel so boring that I let the other person dominate the conversation. All I know about people are the little snippets that they post as their status. Sometimes people post real things where you know intimate details about them, but most often, it isn't. And while I enjoy reading different things people post, I feel like I lack genuine connection. A lot of people I want to stay connected with either don't post, don't respond to my posts or messages, or are mostly silent observers. That isn't everyone. A lot of people I do want to stay connected to, do post and respond.

I think it's just as people's friend lists grow longer, the less people want to share about themselves. I guess the same is true for me. Everytime I post, I think, well, that person is going to judge me for that, this person is going to private message me and tell me their opinion about that, and so on and so forth. There are a lot of people with a lot of opinions and I think facebook is a way to sometimes share your opinions without having to look people in the eye and see the damage you are doing- intentionally or unintentionally. It can be a safe way to share information and a coward's way of sharing information (much like blogging can be). The trouble with written communication is that you can't see the person's heart, so sometimes things sound a lot harsher than you meant them too, or people take the info differently than you intended. I know things I have posted have been taken the wrong way.

I guess facebook is what you make it. It can be a great way to stay connected. There are things I share on facebook that I would have trouble sharing in real life. Then again, when you make it your only source of social connection, it can be a problem. I know for me, I get jealous when I see others making plans, having fun, and I think how much I miss doing things with people. I know I need to make a concerted effort not to make facebook so important. I need to make more of an effort of connecting in person and over the phone, because the computer cannot substitute human connection.