Weaning

Two and a half weeks ago, when I found out I was pregnant, I realized that I would not be getting a break with my body for several years. I was pregnant with the twins for 9 months, nursing them currently, and here I was pregnant again. Then I miscarried, which was a lot harder emotionally than I thought it was going to be. A week after I started miscarrying, Matthew suddenly weaned himself. I nursed him March 10th, the day he turned 16 months old, in the morning, and that was it for him. He wouldn't nurse anymore after that. I was ok with it. I still had Andrew, who was nursing 4 times a day (in the morning, for both naps, and bedtime). And then 3 days later, on March 13th, Andrew suddenly weaned himself after his morning feeding. Just like that. No gradual about it.

So there I was, miscarrying, and the next week, both boys weaned within 3 days of each other. I can't even begin to describe how whacked out my hormones were. Are. I had the worst headaches, which were the worst part. I was so full of milk going from six feedings a day to zero. I felt like I was going to explode! And to be honest, as glad as I am that I didn't have to wean them, I am a little sad that I didn't know and get to enjoy my last feedings with them and savor the moments. I am sad that they don't need me in that way anymore. I had something nobody else had. It was like a super power, a secret weapon. If nothing else would calm them, my breasts would.

When I first started nursing the boys, my goal was to nurse them until they were 12 months old, at the very least. I was hoping to nurse them until they were 18 months, and no longer than 2 years old. We have two big trips coming up- one in April to GA and one in June to a lake in VA. I don't know how they will respond to sleeping in a new place, so I was waiting to wean them until after those trips were over in case they needed help sleeping. Now, I am a little more scared of how these trips are going to go without my secret weapons.

As sad as I am that they are done nursing, I will say that bedtime has become much easier. Before, I would put Matthew's boots and bars on, change and diaper him, then nurse him for 5-15 minutes, and put him to bed. Then I would come back downstairs and diaper and change Andrew and feed him for 20-40 minutes, and then put him to bed. Now, I change them, sing them a song while rocking both of them, and put them both in their cribs and walk out the door. Ten minutes as opposed to an hour- not too shabby. Naps are a lot faster too.

I'm still going to miss it, though.