On the Edge

Stress. Stress can do so much to your body. For some people, stress can make you lose weight and your hair thin. I wouldn't mind those side effects. For me, when I am stressed out, my body holds onto every single ounce. Part of that is because I tend to be a stress eater, but even when I don't stress eat, I still can't lose weight when I am stressed out.

This has been a particularly stressful month for me and our family. It seems like the biggest stresses in my life are the financial stresses. Everything hit us at once this month. We lost Matthew's medicaid and in the same week Matthew needed new boots and bars ($636), we needed to patch our roof ($500) and it will need total replacement soon (thousands!). On top of those, all of our quarterly bills came in this month, and our other monthly bills are higher (electric, etc.). Oh, and we needed heating oil this month ($460). We had been toying with getting a credit card for emergencies, and finally got that at the beginning of this month. It's a good thing too, because it turns out we didn't even have enough money to buy groceries this month. So gas and groceries are on the credit card (even though it is not the Dave Ramsey way, and we feel very guilty about it).

So these are the stresses that I have been dealing with this month, and to top all of that off, Paul told me he is going to lose his job soon. So I am freaking out. What are we going to do? I am at my breaking point, and am so scared. I feel so alone right now. The weight of the world is on my shoulders.

I guess it would be irresponsible of me to be in my father in law's wedding (you know, due to the clothing being $300- $500 for all of us). I really want to be in the wedding, but I know we won't be able to afford it- just getting down there will be taxing. We probably won't be able to go on our family vacation this year. Isn't this silly- that I am thinking about these things instead of, how are we going to pay our mortgage? Or how are we going to put food on the table? How are we going to pay for medical care for the boys? These questions are too hard. These are very real questions and have no answers. I don't know what to do.